First Mothers' Day

This was the first Mothers' Day since 2003 that I've really enjoyed the day. In 2003 Paul and I were just thinking about starting a family and were full of confidence that it would be an easy process (ha), and my mom was still alive. By 2004, Paul and I were just beginning to decide how to add to our family, but it was the first year without my mom. In 2005 we were just a few months away from starting the adoption process and it was probably the first year we said "next year, we'll really be able to celebrate Mothers' and Fathers' Day". In 2006 Rudy was about 6 months old and we were planning to go visit him, thinking "next year" he'll be home with us. But it still wasn't a happy day - we had expected to have him home or almost home by then. In 2007 we were just amazed and devastated that yet another year was passing without us being parents, and without Rudy home after being in process to adopt him for over a year. And again we said "next year". There are those in the adoption community that consider themselves mothers during the adoption process, but with all the uncertainty and bad luck (or bad agency dealings) we had, I just couldn't let myself feel that way. Finally we were right and this year I was able to spend Mothers' Day as a mother and with my son. The joy was not at all in what we did or the gifts I received, it was in the hugs and kisses from Rudy, in the way he said "Happy Mothers' Day, Mommy" with Paul's urging, which later became "Happy Mothers' Birthday, Mommy" and later still became "Happy Mothers' Day, Lou" (our dog), and in the warm little hand that held mine as we walked to dinner.
To all my friends still waiting -I thought of you and prayed for you and hope that "next year" will be your year with your little Guatemalan cuties.